the tears
the sleepless nights
the therapies
the disappointment
the repetitive practice
the wondering, praying, and not knowing
not knowing if any of it was making a difference
not knowing if any of it was helping
not knowing if J was benefiting from it all
but today, it is all worth it.
Jayson was upset and cranky this afternoon and evening. I was beginning to get frustrated. His favorite activities weren't helping. He wasn't hungry. He didn't need to be changed. He didn't want to be touched, but didn't want me far away. I wanted him to tell me what was wrong so so badly. I reached my limit, so I made him look at me.
"Tell Mommy," I said.
"Tell Mom what you want."
Not expecting a response, I was mostly praying for guidance. I was pleading for a sign to know how to make him happy. How to help him with this frustration. And God answered my prayer and responded to my plea.
Continuing to cry, Jayson raised his left hand to his chest, tucked his fingers under, and began to rub his chest and belly up and down. i stared at him for a few seconds wondering if I was making me see a miracle I so desperately wanted to see. He stopped, and started again and then lunged at me.
he had spoken to me, loud and clear
Jayson signed "bath". This was a new sign, one that has been very difficult for J to do, but one we have been working on daily. The recent continuous practice, however, was not the reason why he chose this sign. As I asked him if he wanted the bath, he lunged at me and snuggled in my arms, and closed his eyes. He was tired. He was telling me he was tired. It's our nightly routine-- bath and bed. He was telling me he was ready for his bath so he could go to bed.
Do you even know the level of cognition that takes??? He thought.... Hey, I'm tired. I'm going to cry because I'm tired. I'm going to try and tell my mom I'm tired. She's not listening, I'm going to get more angry. She asked me what I want, I should tell her. How can I tell her? i don't know how to say I'm tired. But before I can go to bed, I need a bath. Oh, I know. I will tell her I want my bath. How do I tell her that? Oh, I know. I can sign it. What is that sign again? Oh yeah, I remember...
THAT IS WHAT MY BABY DID. He is so smart, and much more cognitively aware that we even know...
I gave Jayson his bath, even though it was a little earlier than our typical routine. I lotioned him up, put on his jam jams, and he snuggled in my neck as I laid him in bed. Do you know what he did next?
he fell asleep.
Not only did my precious boy commnicate with his mommy for the first time in his life, but he communicated his NEEDS. He told me what he really wanted. And I listened. It was honestly magical. I cannot think of a greater feeling in the world right now than knowing my baby boy can talk to me using his hands.
It is this moment today that reminds me why I'm doing this. Why I'm Jayson's mommy. Why we work so hard in therapies. Why we go to so many appointments. Why we never give up hope. Why I will never give up on him.
I've always said my boy will change this world. I've said he will move mountaines, and defy odds. Today he proved it. Today he showed me that he will do even more. And today gave me the joy, strength and reinforcement I need to keep me going. So bring on tomorrow's therapy appointments!!! I'm ready for more miracles!!
This is so incredible!!! Way to go Little J!
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